A lot has happened since i last wrote. I wish i wouldn't keep losing track of my journal but since i have been sleeping in 3 or 4 different places, i generally just write in my head. It releases the stress however only God knows what my thoughts might have been, they evaporate like mist in my dreams. We are in Cocke County now and semi set up. My emotions swing like a pendulum slowly centering as we settle in and reformulate what family means to us now in this situation. This first year here will be the hardest I'm sure. It is so refreshing to be back in the house. Today is my birthday. So i am doing what i probably shouldn't, reflecting on my life.
Where i have been and what i have done can't be changed. I can't fix mistakes. I only wish i could, but then just how different would things be.
The Old Testament is full of meaning and symbols. The number 8 generally stands as a new beginning. It has been 8 long years and hard lessons i am just now learning. This is not going to be easy to do but i signed up for classes at the local community college a month ago. I am starting over & this time i am doing it for the right reason. Part of me is scared to death, the other part is still hiding. WHY? Great question with an timeless answer. Fill in your own blank there. It is finally time to start being me and probably painfully honestly me for the first time in nearly half my life. I can talk about that part though. Too private for any public journal, and too painful. We all have reasons we do what we do. I am just learning from this that i took a wrong turn at a wrong time. Ya can't go back, you can only go forward from here. This is what puts the steel in us magnolias (that and the male species in general).
