a stroke of luck!

Stress is harmful. Duh, right. Somehow i ended up back in the er one night after work. They admitted me. I couldn't or wouldn't believe i had suffered a mini-stroke. I could logically brush off most of the symptoms, except the face. Half of my face went numb, like as in Novocain numb. If i hadn't been with myself all day i would have thought i had been at the dentist. Now that was hard to brush under the rug. Okay so where do we go from here.

1. We stay on course. I have lost 51 pounds so far. Spring, garden plans, hiking trails and general spring fever is around the corner. So staying active won't be a problem and staying active leaves little time to worry. If i have come this far with my health and let that area of my life slip, other thing will come crashing down as well.

2. Stand up, raise your right hand and repeat after me, "So what! Oh well! NO! Whatever (with a smile)!, It's no big deal!" Now children anoint your backs with olive oil. From now on whenever crap, stuff, sneak attacks and stress, come at you, apply one of the previous phrases and watch it roll off your back!!!

3. I've opened my eyes to the beautiful friends/family i have at church and work. Thanks for the spa/nature walk day. It was just the best, girls! I am not in this alone, nor am i going through anything new. This is a well worn path that many have walked before me and many will come after me. Our money related stress isn't necessarily new to us, or anyone else for that matter, it just seems like right now the stakes are higher. Ed will find work and we will get back on track. We have been through a lot in 20 years. This to shall pass.

4. PRAYER!! not just the sitting down and chatting with Daddy prayers. I mean the knees on the rug facing West, nose to the floor, dressed in burlap kind of prayers!

5. Laugh dammit! Thanks to Tammy and Rachel at work my sides are in constant pain and i nearly need depends, but i feel so much better! Well until we get into trouble with Pam that is!! Meg helps me be silly, again. Tell dumb jokes that are so dumb they are funny. Blow straw papers at the pastor on Wednesday night church suppers. Cut a big cheese around any boy age eight to eighteen (or Rachel) ! Sneak attack any available family member with a belly fart! Race to the house! Life really is too short... If dad is right and reincarnation is real then i am coming back as a house cat! I know my dogs are completely spoiled but you have to admit the cats live longer and have that " i really don't give shit, now just where is my dinner!" attitude.

I think that i am lucky i got a break to stop and reevaluate. It could have turned out worse. Doc Bill said this is just a warning that my body was giving me. Slow down and change things or ...
i will and i am changing.

~sandbar~

I have caught my breath as i stand here wading off shore from the sandbar. I was beached unexpectedly last week I have spent the last few days angrily sulking with my feet the sand blaming all my troubles on the lizards that crawled over me. Peanut butter, cursed peanut butter. Not the ordinary sticky stuff from the jar either, i am talking about the Christmas confections peanut butter fudge and buckeye balls. I innocently sampled one, to be kind the the giver/cook never meaning to bite another one. I have used this tactic before. It kills the curiosity as well as being kind to the giver. I was not prepared. I was ambushed. Is there some chemical drug that is produced when you mix powdered sugar and peanut butter? I think there is, i need therapy. I was drawn back to the container like a powerless addict, more than a several times i must confess. I tried breaking off small nibblets rather than eating whole pieces of fudge. It didn't matter because i eventually ate the whole piece i was breaking from in the first place! Guilt and anger follow the binge. Mostly, I believe because i didn't see the temptation coming. i was blindsided. I am prepared to do battle with a known temptation. After anger comes defeat, sulking, and general "i-don't-care-isms". Eating habits weren't good, not horrible but definitely NOT good. The scale burps and the sand bar is comfortable. It is hard swimming against the tide.

Megan to the rescue! She pep-talked and i had a good look at my paperclips. Such long trails of them hanging from the frig. So for the rest of the day i have been wadding a little in the water off shore of the sandbar. I am rested and smarter than when i landed here. Ready to swim off and face the tide again. Swimming against this tide of weight gain is not easy but i am determined to make it to shore.

Our prayers were answered. Ginger was perfectly healed Wednesday. Eddie and i held her after she hugged us goodbye and we let her go. I imagine her and Fawn are having a good laugh and shaking thier head over us silly "human-pets". They surely did their best to train and raise us right.

This is an older picture of old dog when she was young and full of mischief. Our BabyDog is dying. Ginger has cirrhosis of the liver. She isn't responding to treatment because it is likely the aliment of the liver is do to cancer. We have only a few weeks left, if that, with our girl. I am not sure how we will go on with out Gingy hugs. We will of course but how can the Dot understand all this. Do dogs really understand the loss. I know they feel it. Ginger taught me that. In a strange way Ginger becoming ill has resurfaced a little bit of the small raw spot left when we grieved the loss of Fawn. Ginger was the dog we got for us and Fawn when she had cancer the 2nd time. I am so glad the vet insisted we get her a playmate. She has lived for 10-11 wonderful years with us and Ginger has been through so much with us. Every dog, just like any human or animal family member, is unique and irreplaceable. There will forever be a Bat-Ears size hole in my heart when she leaves us. She has helped train Firecracker and DotDog but i think Della was too much for her. She hated her at first, now i think she has a "i give up on her" attitude. Poor Dell tries so hard to get Ginger to like her. As Ging has become ill, Dell is even looking out for her. Perhaps just like humans, the more the personalities are alike, the harder they have to work to get along. So far Della still hasn't eaten more shoes than Ginger, but the pup is still fairly young! She sure has Ginger's tail! I am just glad she isn't as tall. There were clues to how old she has been getting on us but other than one hard cry with my husband a couple of years ago i refused to see. I guess i should have realized when Maggie Cat came home that she is very elderly. For a dog that loves cats as much as she does not to take to Mags should have been one of many clues to just how old our BabyDog is now. She has had some dear friends over the years, Eightball and Stinky were her cats in her youth. As much affection as she still shows Meg's cat Dash and ole Lenny (that now belongs to Mom), they are really Dot's cats the way Stinky was hers. The hips failing was hard not to see. That was one of the reasons we have been in Dr V.M.'s office this past year. She sure loves the Doc. Ginger has never given me any trouble going ever since the Doc fixed her ears up. I watch her now and as she lays there you can see she is hurting. Just a few hours ago when she was up she was trying to snuzzel up to me in the bedroom and later acting silly in the kitchen. She was trying to play 2 days ago with Eddie. I don't know when to cry "uncle" for her sake. Ging seams to be fighting this so hard spiritually but her body has already won. I asked Dr V.M. the when question. She promised me Ginger would let us know. I just hope she does. i am praying that God will grant her perfect healing. As much as i am going to miss our BabyGirl, i want her horsing around again with FawnDog, Copper, and Freckles where we know they aren't hurting any more.