Go Ask Alice

“It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change.” - Disney's Alice in Wonderland! 

You said it, girl!  It has been a year since i was layed off, months since i talked to my sister, and awhile since Eddie and i weren't having tense conversations.  I understand only that i am a flawed missed up little girl that wouldn't mind following her friend in the blue dress down a rabbit hole.  That being said, we all have to stop napping under trees eventually. 

Alice, things are supposed to make sense. They don't but they should. Shelly and i had a great chat on the phone today. I will find the right job, eventually. And as for me and Eddie...crazy and deluded as it sounds, i still believe in fairy stories and happy endings. Years of growing up with my kids has taught me that Disney is right!

Lessons from Walt and Company:

Walt Disney
      “All our dreams can come true...if we have the courage to pursue them.”

“All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”


The Lion King

Rafiki  "It doesn't matter. It's in the past." 
"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it."

Finding Nemo

Dory "Hey, look. "Esc-a-pay". Hey, it's spelled just like escape!"

Sometimes it right in front of us and we are looking at it wrong!

Toy Story 1 & 2
Buzz & Woody friendship

Buzz "One minute you're defending the whole galaxy, and, suddenly, you find yourself sucking down Darjeeling with Marie Antoinette... and her little sister."
                                    _____________________ 
Buzz Lightyear: You still worried?
Woody: About Andy? Nah, it will be fun while it lasts.
Buzz Lightyear: I'm proud of you cowboy.
Woody: Besides, when it all ends I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company - For infinity and beyond

In the end it is friendship that helps makes it fun, pull us back together when we need it, makes the journey worth the risk.
 
Fox and the Hound

Big Mama "Darlin, forever is a long, long time, and time has a way of changing things."

The Sword in the Stone
Merlin's Wisdom

"Merlin: You know, lad, that love business is powerful stuff.
Arthur: Greater than gravity?
Merlin: Well, yes, in its own way... yes, I'd say it's the most powerful force on Earth.
                                          ____________
Madame Mim: Rule One: No mineral or vegetable, only animal. Rule Two: No make-believe things like, ooh, pink dragons and stuff. Now, Rule Three: No disappearing.
Merlin: Rule Four: No cheating.

Cinderella

"A dream is a wish your heart makes"

Winnie-the-Pooh

"You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes."

Beauty and the Beast

Belle "well, you should learn to control your temper! Hold still this might sting a little"

Tempers and hard heartedness reaps it's own ugly rewards.

Cars

Doc Hudson: "I'll put it simple: if you're going hard enough left, you'll find yourself turning right."
Lightning McQueen: "Oh, right. That makes perfect sense. Turn right to go left. Yes, thank you! Or should I say No, thank you, because in Opposite World, maybe that really means thank you."

Our elders have been there and they really do know more than we do.  Sometimes we are the elders and sometimes we are McQueen but even so we all have something to learn and grow from. 

Lilo and Stitch

"Stitch: This is my family. I found it, all on my own. Is little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good. "

“This is you. This is your badness level. It’s unusually high for someone your size. We need to fix that.” Lilo, talking about Stitch

The Rescuers

Rufus the Cat: "Faith is a blue bird, we see from far. It's for real and as sure as the first evening star, you can't touch it or buy it or wrap it up tight but it's there just the same, making things turn out right.", talking to Penny in the orphanage.

Pinocchio is packed with tons of great lines! You could fill up an entire Sunday sermon with them!  

There are so many many more movies and quotes.  I think we should watch a "Disney" a week for good mental health!

so what...

So what happens when you are just realizing your physical limitations? Is it because of the weight or the legs problems that affect my already weak ankles? The heart is so willing to work. The desire is very there and ready to roll. I can create the energy from outside sources since even younger I didn’t ever really have much naturally. Why why why does my feet and ankles give out on me. I can’t make them stop hurting so bad. Shoes, insoles, and socks…. Is this why Daddy seems to think I don’t need another job on my feet. I would attempt 3 if someone would hire me. Eddie you said something the other night that really made me think. You said you were going to make sure I didn’t do more than I could handle and you knew that I didn’t know just what that limit was. I think Daddy is doing the same thing. But I have to get the ends to meet that aren’t doing that on their own. I am going to have to stop fretting and relearn to let this go and let Him worry about things that are obviously out of my hands.


So what happens when you are just realizing your emotional limitations? Our bible study was about relationships, friendships, family, acquaintances, or otherwise. Is it that I don’t know how to be a good friend or just that I have been gun shy too long,  being burned before; possibly a bit of both. I was listening to mom talk about why she thinks she scares people off, because of living alone for all these years. My brain starting running, ok girl what do you do that scares people off. Not that I know I do, but just in case, what should I not be doing. First ADD type trait is if someone asks “how ya doing?” they really DON’T what that answered!!! Learned that one! Positive attitudes win the day. I just don’t know when it is safe to let people in. I also hope they realize being my friend means you will hear things about my crazy life but I don’t need it fixed. It is what it is and overall it is a good life. I need to have someone just listen to me blow steam once in awhile just simply for the sake of letting me blow it off the top! I need a girl to hang and have coffee/tea with, laugh with, what a movie with…I have Shell but we live so blasted far away. When I win the lottery, I am getting a lake house back home so Shell & I can hang out more often! Eddie, Mom & especially Meg are the only friends I have here in TN. They are the dearest truest of real friends too. In the last 5 years or so my little bro and i have really started becoming good friends too.  My is mom right though, i think i need friendships outside of family. So I will just keep prayerfully nurturing the friends I know I have here that I haven’t let get that close and hope I find opportunities to grow closer to them; Cec, Lisa, Georgia, Roe, Kim, among others.

the switch

i didn't hear the click when things switched over, and i don't really know when it happened.

Isaac has been gone over a month now. I really think the more he is gone the more i am convinced he has more blond roots than his sister, but that's a blog for another time! Megan has been in the dorms for over 3 semesters now. Before the first semester at CNC she house sat for the summer over at her grandma's place. So just when did home cease being "home"? I didn't notice this at Christmas break, but that doesn't mean it wasn't true or wasn't switching over.

The flu just had a hit-in-run with Megan. Her Grandma and I convinced Meg to come to her Grandmas' to rest up be nursed. She did and confessed that it really helped her recuperate. I looked up after Meg got back to the dorm at noticed that "she went home to the dorm" and she would "try and come here saturday when she can get away" . To the sappy emotional momma in me, it really took the wind out of me. I guess i should have seen it coming, but i just didn't.

When did this switch over to the other side of the road? Isaac left. Megan slipped away. Isaac was a drive over, drop off, drive away. The drive home and the following week were as painful as a scheduled broken arm. Megan's switch was more slow and subtle. I am still trying to figure out how i ended up with another broken bone when wasn't ready for it. don't i get to recover from the first crack first!!?

Life's not fair and i know this fact, i just i needed to vent about the lack of air i am breathing these days.

It hurts.

I hate this change.

oh my

the count is on....today is tuesday, isaac leaves saturday, meg moves back in the dorm monday.

so this time next we start a new empty nest news.

this will broadcast the last news as i hopefully reassemble the pieces of me that shattered apart