Tinsle Time

I heard a commentary on WNPR coming home tonight that really made me stop and think.  Am I the Chief Celebrator? Are you?  If you or I weren’t in the house would they go to the same crazy lengths to celebrate a holiday?  If not, then you are a Chief Celebrator and I think I am too.  Why do we bother if it only means this much to us?  I think, it is because we realize somewhere deep within ourselves just how profoundly important celebrating and memory making is, what it will mean to someone later on.  Holidays are not just happy sugar sweet & snow covered bliss.  Holidays are bitter-sweet, shadow haunted alleyways as well.  From our earliest memories we have glimpses packed with childhood innocents and Christmas glee, but the older we get those memories are shadowed.  There are empty chairs at gatherings…dear family gone; some have broken homes to complicate what should be a festive time & older folk alone and nearly forgotten.  As much as it might annoy some that we Chief Celebrators go to such ridiculous lengths to make merry, don’t you think it is our duty to do so.  See we remind them why we celebrate even in the mists of penny-pinching times or plenty-to-share times.  If we don’t take the time to reflect what we have come through as families or individuals, and how much we all mean to each other; I think we will just drift apart.  Family and friends anchor each other through all life brings. 


   I remember years Ed and I had so little to supply under the tree and yet it was almost always full.  I remember a few years of plenty and the giggling fun we had racing through the malls buying for everyone we could think of.  I remember living rooms lit only with Christmas lights secretly stuffing stockings only to realize someone had been there before me.  I remember Grams having 2 punch bowls of eggnog and that we kids were NOT allowed to drink from one of them!  I remember childhood Christmas’s in Indiana that are filled people now gone or now distant.  We need to remind each other of not just the reason for the season we are in but the journey that brought us to another one to enjoy it.  


Nichols (not the Saint btw) reminded me a few weeks ago that if we are not homeless, if we have something for dinner, & if we are not cold; we have much to celebrate and be thankful for & the rest is fluff.  Ya know he right. Some years have lots of packaging and some not so much, but that’s alright.  Celebrating is what is needed, holiday happiness is needed, and memories of all kinds are needed.  They help shape us and anchor us to the ones we hold most dear. 

Jacob wrestling with the easy button

i was flipping though the radio channels this morning and tripped over The Light's broadcast of Dr. David Jeremiah.  He was talking about giving everything over to Him.  He was talking about getting under His Yoke and that yoke isn't the oxen kind we might think is it. I didn't hear the whole sermon but i heard enough to hear him go on about how stress free life could be if we hand it all over to Him. It really can't be that easy to walk around stress free & flip it around if i have stress am i guilty of not submitting my will to His?

i should know better, but i guess i don't.  I don't think i am phony, maybe my Buddhist dad's visit is messing with me, but i don't think so.  This has been slowly simmering.  It might be a mix of doubt and a mix of maturity that life is not that black and white.  So what now?  What do i do with complex troubles and doubts?  Or do i just simply let them go?  Sounds too easy...and yet IF my faith were strong enough is it simply this easy? 

If i were to runaway and hide from the world, i think i would find a nice Mennonite community to take me in and shelter me.  Grass really looks bright green from this side but I know that's only an illusion.  So I think for now I will shake off dust and resume older habits and see if this diminishes the shadows.  I am going to pray more than I have been, work on my bible studies again and be more honest with Him about the Thomas-thoughts and issues I have.  Sometimes I feel wrong to have them, I should know better, I do but still.  How do you get back stuff lost?  Not just faith-life stuff but emotional-life stuff?

Is the bible really my "easy button", Cecelia?  I know, i can't believe i am airing these doubts, it's just i don't understand how things could be the way they are sometimes.  Of course this could be just one of those mid-life crisis things i've always joked about. 

I know it is the Advent season and not the Lenten season, but in Sunday School this week we were discussing the crucifixion.  A line from one of my favorite songs won't quit running through my head.  Natalie Grant's song "Held"..."Can we not wait one hour waiting for our Savior? This is what it means to be held..."  I guess i hold on, sit tight and wait, but i will not be sitting still.  I am going to wrestle this thing like Jacob.  There is an answer and i refuse to give up without finding it.

christmas time

I want a tree
& more than that
I want to trim it with carols and laughter 
Christmas memories made new 
traditions old
& more than that
dreams once laid to rest come about
I want 
i want
want want want...
is it wrong to want those things i can't have
not sure,
but still
i want
gold ribbons, tinsel, old ornaments, evergreens, smell of cinnamon & spice
dusty dreams, suitcases that are travel weary, & plenty of such
sigh
bring on the mulled wine and rum laced eggnog.
not that Christmas time is blue, just the opposite 
magical glittering red, jolly and warm 
i want it to be such is all i am trying to say

ripple damage

I think I have missed the boat again.  I have a friend, someone that thinks we are only facebook friends, that doesn’t quite realize just how much I depend on him.  Maybe even I have forgotten just how much because he has been training me for independence for years. Now I am being tossed quizzes about teams and friendship. 

Now a proper study guide might have:

A team comprises a group of people or animals linked in a common purpose. Teams are especially appropriate for conducting tasks that are high in complexity and have many interdependent subtasks.
A group in itself does not necessarily constitute a team. Teams normally have members with complementary skills and generate synergy through a coordinated effort which allows each member to maximise his/her strengths and minimise his/her weaknesses. Team members need to learn how to help one another, help other team members realize their true potential, and create an environment that allows everyone to go beyond their limitations.^[1]

Or:

 team  (tm)

n.

1. Sports & Games A group on the same side, as in a game.

2. A group organized to work together: a team of engineers.

3.

a. Two or more draft animals used to pull a vehicle or farm implement.

b. A vehicle along with the animal or animals harnessed to it.

4. A group of animals exhibited or performing together, as horses at an equestrian show.

5. A brood or flock.

6. Obsolete Offspring; lineage.

Ok I am being sarcastic again but I have been trained well for that.  

If you tossed stones in the pond and then regretted the damage being caused by the ripples, could you stop all the waves? We made good sound decisions without thought to just where all the ripples would crash onto shore.  Maybe dear this is just a stretch of shoreline that needs a bit of work to build it back up.  It is all or nothing with me so ready or not here I come.  I am going to bore you with details and stuff.  Truthfully I think when you left for Mass I pick myself up and realized I was going to have to get tough and independent.  In the past few years I have heard you say “what can I do about it?” and I felt it made you sad to think your hands where bound up in the PopsBoat, unable to doing anything.  Rather than depress you, it’s become habit to quietly handle things myself.  Now I see this is only damaging a fragile ecosystem. 

I am a mess ya know…I would be completely lost without you….never mind that I am always lost, I think you make me a better person.  We balance each other out, friend.  If we have skills to relearn, that’s ok because we have time to practice.

Ich liebe, wie wir gespielt hatten, und hatte gelacht. Wir haben das nicht verloren. Kämpfen Sie für uns, geben Sie nicht auf. Ich liebe Sie, Honig!