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i have a dear friend that is hurting.  At least he used to be dear friend, but sometimes friendship slips a little if it isn't nurtured. I feel our friendship will be repaired.  He is going through a rough patch right now, both him and his wife.  we were talking the other night and i said something without thinking about it.  I think now that pearl of "wisdom" didn't come from me at all.  if i remember correctly, he was struggling to know how to handle a difficult situation. the thought came to me that maybe we are supposed to handle it at all.  maybe times like these, we walk out our faith and practice what we say we believe. maybe we aren't to handle it at all, but hand it over to Him.  really and truly hand it over to Daddy and trust Him to take care of it. 

now that i am reflecting on our conversation, i think this is a time to grow and strengthen faith.  i had a chance to talk with that wife of his.  She is a hider, a turtle shell type of girl, so i had to approach her carefully or she would get defensive and shut me out.  she surprised me.  not because she has be praying about this but the way she has been praying.  She has realized that for her to be able to deal with the stresses that are coming at her she must reinforce her bridgework. (and not her dental work, although that is on the list)  a strong foundation, she decided is the best way to keep it all together.  She is praying very detailed and ugly surgical type prayers on her character, her faults, her addictions, her demons, her unforgiveness, her anger, her hopes, her daydreams, the unknowns in her life.  she has decided that she is going to wrestle like jacob with the Lord.

she is right.  I saw her pray list.  my friend was on it, and from the looks of it, he has been for a long time.  i was touched that they we very unselfish concerns.  she is worried about him.  These two people are funny.  they remind me of that story by O'Henry, the gift of the magi.  they both want the other one to be happy and are willing to give up their own happiness for the sake of the other.  the ironic thing is they are rapidly going in circles upsetting each other by trying to do this. it might be funny if it weren't so serious.  maybe we will all laugh later. 

i think my job in all this is simple but difficult.  first i need to work on our friendship.  he needs someone to talk to and that he can count on to bounce stuff off of, and to just relax with.  we all could use someone to forget our troubles with, laugh with. His wife needs me to pull her out of her shell once in awhile, quiet walks or time together stitching like we used to do.  then i need to honestly remember them in prayer.  pray the prayer that never fails.  i also need to stay out of it.  not take sides or offer criticism.  i need to be the friend that is laughed with and ya get in trouble with.  Daddy is handling the heavy stuff not me.  i know friends need to be a great ear and shoulder but not a mouth.  i have chronic athlete's mouth.  

they are hurting and hurting each other unintentionally.  i really bothers me because i know how lost they would be without each other.    

peeks at my journal part 2

Tuesday dragged on, a day off with much to do and yet so little really done.  I didn’t even try much.  The Rock House is going to become my playhouse I guess.  A grown up version to that childlike one of yesterdays.  I don’t know what is going to become of everything but I thing I am going to take the advice of that wonderfully human, yet fictional character, Father Timothy Kavanaugh. I am going to pray, and keep praying, the prayer that never fails.  Aside from that I need to somehow restructure my day to have some time there every day.  Maggie and I need to reconnect.  Daddy just needs to handle this, I can’t seem to deal with it.  How do I divide myself?  I don’t know…it hurts…

peeks at my journal part 1

I came home late last night and of course megan was snoozing on the red couch over at Grandpa’s.  She did eventually wake up and try to chat a bit.  It was completely unfair to both of us and completely selfish of me.  We managed to get to Sunday School early since she was teaching with me nursing an energy drink.  I only got half a night’s sleep.  She was struggling to stay awake during church and it was a good service, she is just so worn thin.  I feel guilty keeping her up.  The youth were going on a wonderful hike today to Max Patch in the Smokey Mountains.  Denise and William are back in the States and are going on the hike.  I really wanted to go with everyone, but of course I am working.  Megan and I rush to Food City to get her some food for the hike.  As we are leaving the church she knows something is wrong and I firmly deign any such thing.  I don’t think she bought it.  It isn’t just one thing and we have no time to talk; mostly what is bothering me can’t be fixed so what’s the point.  It’s her, us; I miss my deep friendship with her.  She is too busy and that is only proper for everything that is on her plate.  I can’t blame her, make her feel guilty, or even fix it.  Time will heals such things…