Can Thine Heart Endure?

"We know not what we should pray for as we ought" (Rom. 8:26).

 

Much that perplexes us in our Christian experience is but the answer to our prayers. We pray for patience, and our Father sends those who tax us to the utmost; for "tribulation worketh patience."

 

We pray for submission, and God sends sufferings; for "we learn obedience by the things we suffer."

 

We pray for unselfishness, and God gives us opportunities to sacrifice ourselves by thinking on the things of others, and by laying down our lives for the brethren.

 

We pray for strength and humility, and some messenger of Satan torments us until we lie in the dust crying for its removal.

 

We pray, "Lord, increase our faith," and money takes wings; or the children are alarmingly ill; or a servant comes who is careless, extravagant, untidy or slow, or some hitherto unknown trial calls for an increase of faith along a line where we have not needed to exercise much faith before.

 

We pray for the Lamb-life, and are given a portion of lowly service, or we are injured and must seek no redress; for "he was led as a lamb to the slaughter and… opened not his mouth."

 

We pray for gentleness, and there comes a perfect storm of temptation to harshness and irritability. We pray for quietness, and every nerve is strung to the utmost tension, so that looking to Him we may learn that when He giveth quietness, no one can make trouble.

 

We pray for love, and God sends peculiar suffering and puts us with apparently unlovely people, and lets them say things which rasp the nerves and lacerate the heart; for love suffereth long and is kind, love is not impolite, love is not provoked. LOVE BEARETH ALL THINGS, believeth, hopeth and endureth, love never faileth. We pray for likeness to Jesus, and the answer is, "I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." "Can thine heart endure, or can thine hands be strong?" "Are ye able?"

 

The way to peace and victory is to accept every circumstance, every trial, straight from the hand of a loving Father; and to live up in the heavenly places, above the clouds, in the very presence of the Throne, and to look down from the Glory upon our environment as lovingly and divinely appointed.  --Selected

the 5 people here on earth

Patsy Clairmont said "You are the sum of the 5 people you hang around the most." I heard that Saturday morning at WOF and it has really punched through my skull.  Christine Caine, Amy Grant, Marilyn Meberg and others all said wonderful things, meaningful things, wise words, but i am still digesting Patsy's words.  If you take this thought about the 5 people, then there are ripple effects everywhere. Knowing who i am around all the time, i wonder if...I talked about this to a rather wise dear friend.  She thinks that if Patsy is right that is why i am sad and depressed a lot.  So if two people, who are dealing with heavy weighty life issues, are around each other every day, are they feeding each other's sadness instead of lifting one another out of it? Is there a way to stop the cycle and start new ripples?  Like the parables we are flipping around in Sunday school class, if you flip this around whom am i effecting?  Does my sadness rub off on the other people that hold me dear and choose to be around me?  Is this why someone would choose not to be around me, like a bad aura if you will?

 (and if mr eddie is reading this, and if mr eddie even suggests that mrs eddie remove herself from his presence for her own good one more time ...i'll...i'll..., well i don't know what i'll do, but it'll be something... that ISN'T a solution, anyway hun. it is at best a tiny band-aid on a sore & starting a open wound elsewhere)

Some people we just can't help but spend time with. (and i DON'T mean your better half) How we let them inside and what we allow them to do are two different things.  We don't have to let them hurt us inside. That sounds nice but it doesn't really work as easily in the real world as it does to type it in cyberspace. "How we stop the pain and prevent it from hurting us?” is the real question. How do you build up a shield that is in place to prevent flaming arrows but still removable so that we don't become unreachable to others?  Pop's can be sweet and generous but normally it's on his terms only.  His circumstance has understandably allowed him to choose bitterness. There has to be a way to repel this fog of bitterness that seeps and creeps into every part of our lives.   

Ok people i don't have the answer. i was kind of asking if anyone else had a clue.

time is short

77 days and 7 hours until New Years Day!  

did you just roll your eyes at the screen?

okay so what can i get done or change in 77 days and 7 hours to make 2013 start blissfully?
Change is good.  i hate change, but not as much as a few fellows in my life.  Some changes are downright scary, but around here things crept off course.  So let's put it right.  Now what can get done in less than 3 months to impact the next 12 or hopefully more?  I found this in an article about questions women should ask themselves.  It really fit where my head was wandering.

"How much junk could a chic chick chuck if a chic chick could chuck junk?

I believe this question was originally posed by Lao Tzu, who also wrote, "To become learned, each day add something. To become enlightened, each day drop something." Face it: You'd be better off without some of your relationships, many of your possessions, and most of your thoughts. Chuck your chic-chick junk, chic chick. Enlightenment awaits. “

I have read that it takes 21 days to break a habit or form a new one.  so i have time to do this.  Procrastinate over this.  i even have time to screw it up and restart this!! Hot Damn!

Okay so where to start.  I.  that's the only place.  I can't change the past; past mistakes, past habits, other people, or even other people's belief in me.  I can only change me and what i am doing.  Well heaven's so far all i am doing is thinking and typing.  I should make a list. 

• thing 1
• thing 2
• this will hurt

ok so those aren't the actual agenda items, but it's good to get start somewhere.  First thing i want to do is a fast.  Clear my heart and do deep soul searching.  From there some more deep cleaning and donating things from my closet. I wanted this to be a very special month.  I woke up so happy October 1st.  This month meant a lot to me. It hasn't been what i thought it would be so far, but it is only half over.  There is still time to change my wonderful October with everything else!  

bedrock & life

Rock, Boulder, Stone.

Immovable object.  Something you can lean on.  Stand on, climb on, moss grows on.  Shelters you. Protects you.  

i am so flat these days.  my small world has changed around me lately.  More likely it has been changing all along but i just didn't notice.  Not so sure where i fit in it anymore. Luckily life has given me a solid bedrock foundation, but still...my roles have changed, the hats i wear mean different things. I don't know where i am suppose to be or what i am supposed to be.  i need to make a list...
Missy Marie

• still loves to laugh, play and prank
• yard goods, embroidery floss, and patterns still excite me
• books are still a passion
• very loyal to those i care about
• my taste in clothes are still leaning to towards prices i can't afford
• still rather watch Disney than horror
• still gentle and emotionally bruise too easily

but this doesn't help...i have questions that i don't know where to find answers to.

• what is my place now?
• what role to i play in this family/marriage/friendship?
• how do i fit in his life now?  in their life?  in my own self?
• if i am not sure i can be a good friend to even myself lately how do i change that to be a friend to those i love?
• how can i rekindle a bonfire when i've been told it's nearly coals?
• how do you live with past regrets and time you can't get back?

Grieving has brought out more than just sadness.  It reminds me more and more how much time i lost.  Time i can't get back.  regrets and failings.  This sadness will pass i know.  this is just a funk but it is shedding light on dark places.  i can't ignore how flat i feel, how lost i feel lately.  i wish i knew....is this the year of my midlife meltdown and everyone goes though this?  If the answer is yes, then someone out there better give me some coping skills before i ruin what is left of my life.